Well

I need to learn to gauge how people work socially. It's like their social skills are lacking but because they get so much practice from their tight little circle of safety they're alright if they want to venture out. And they have strange ways of protecting themselves. Augh this shouldn't fascinate me this much!!


You know, there's only two reasons why I've ever cried.

Because of Myself: I made myself feel incompetent or stupid or whatever and really got myself down. And couldn't control myself because of stage fright, ect. Well I didn't make myself, I just wasn't capable enough in that sense. I mean, I still am incompetent it just seemed really big at the time.

Because of my parents: Hurt/disappointment/mostly hurt.

Kind of sad, isn't it?




I know this year I have changed, compared to two years ago and a little compared to last year. At the end of last year I was just starting to become this....but it's so different to everything I ever was before. I mean I do try to make myself better and better but it's like just growing up and learning and now you react differently, duh......but it doesn't feel different at all. Even though it so is. But it's wonderful. You know? You don't realize you're on a journey until you look back and then....well, yeah.