Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn't try my best in
elementary and get top grades or compliments and if all those teachers
and family members didn't say I was smart and everything. First off, I
wouldn't have a drive to give my all which is bad but I also wouldn't
have been wondering if I really was talented or not, if I had any gifts,
or if the only thing I could really do was academics. That's all I
thought I had on others back then, and it made me so insecure. Always
asking "Am I really talented?" I know I'm not now though x)
But see my parents still think I'm talented. What if I had gotten 2's on my report cards instead of 4's? B's in 6th grade instead of easy A's? They think I'm talented enough, but I'm not you see. Their standard is now like the stupid Asian stereotype - A's are okay A+ in all honors or Advanced Placement classes and there's not a single freaking reason why you shouldn't be in the top of your class.
They say they understand...they don't.
I wish their standard were like the school's. Which is admittedly really low. C's are average okay? C's are okay. What's wrong with having a goddamn C?! They don't think so. Augh. I can give up my dream to go to the MIT for a single B. I mean, I'll look back on it but I won't regret it. I won't let myself regret it.
Now they're stuck thinking A's are easily doable. It also means I f*cked this up for my little brother too. Except he's going into sports, as I went into music. But he's also doing music. I don't even know.
All the same my friend and I had to do a duet today, the same duet as everyone else in the class but we were the top players and we're the only ones that played for everyone, but I heard how bad everyone did....and they said we were amazing. Like really pretty. Even the two moms that were there congratulated us. And we did horrid, it wasn't even out best.
Standards...
But see my parents still think I'm talented. What if I had gotten 2's on my report cards instead of 4's? B's in 6th grade instead of easy A's? They think I'm talented enough, but I'm not you see. Their standard is now like the stupid Asian stereotype - A's are okay A+ in all honors or Advanced Placement classes and there's not a single freaking reason why you shouldn't be in the top of your class.
They say they understand...they don't.
I wish their standard were like the school's. Which is admittedly really low. C's are average okay? C's are okay. What's wrong with having a goddamn C?! They don't think so. Augh. I can give up my dream to go to the MIT for a single B. I mean, I'll look back on it but I won't regret it. I won't let myself regret it.
Now they're stuck thinking A's are easily doable. It also means I f*cked this up for my little brother too. Except he's going into sports, as I went into music. But he's also doing music. I don't even know.
All the same my friend and I had to do a duet today, the same duet as everyone else in the class but we were the top players and we're the only ones that played for everyone, but I heard how bad everyone did....and they said we were amazing. Like really pretty. Even the two moms that were there congratulated us. And we did horrid, it wasn't even out best.
Standards...
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