I remember being younger and having "a crush" on someone, which was always silly and there's two ways I could diverge from that statement. Let's go with what I'll forget more easily xD
You know how you come up with scenarios in your head, fantasies maybe although that can give all the wrong connotations, little stories that would be "perfect" if only for a day? And you knew they were silly and if you told anyone else what your silly little brain conjured up in the late hours of the night before you fell asleep it'd be embarrassing? (not that it's dirty?)
I don't know whether this is something specific to a personality or role one would take on in how they put themselves across to new people, in a relationship, or who they make themselves to be. But, was it always, in those silly little dreams the subject of your interest obligated to you? You saving them? Them being hurt and you sacrificing yourself or something for them - because honestly you would? But it was never them saving you. You never felt good enough for them, or even if you were you know they didn't think so and so you'd have to prove yourself? So that's why you put them in pain, hurt, injured, incompetent. Because you wanted them to see you as the same as them because you were, weren't and wanted to be, or were better. But they thought you weren't and so that's why, you had to lower their pride so that they'd accept you.
Then again at that age it wouldn't have mattered; you couldn't really date them (and it would've been stupid to), and were you really going to marry them? But then again dating is practice for marriage...all the same just no. So, what could you have done? Before the age of puberty it was pretty innocent, well, depending on how naive you were xD and after that wouldn't you feel guilty? ((I apologize for only being able to address a limited audience)) And so it didn't matter if you "like" someone, you'd get over it soon and you knew that; at least, that's how I saw things (when my mind wasn't blowing things out of proportion). <- that was the second way I could've diverged and I shall elaborate.
So then now when you can date, whether it's secretly or not the terms don't matter so much to this point (although they do matter a great deal). And decide you want to, which makes all the difference - please don't be one of those people in high school looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, that's silly, just be yourself and have friends >_< anyways those people are...I don't have too much respect for them. But either way myself personally I do not want to date yet; I am more than content with my upperclassmen friends and though they say I won't be single by the end of this semester I will be I know, because I'll keep it that way. And things change, now that your "fantasies" are more...realistic? No, not necessarily...I mean, they could happen if you're practical enough. Which is scary and also wonderful at the same time.
Maybe something's changed now with these little scenarios your mind plays up now? Reference the third paragraph....are they still like that? [Just realizing it they might as well be if you're still insecure and don't really have the best of closests relationships with the subject] then I can't help you that is your mistake. But say, you and your best friend who started out in a bit of a flirting relationship from the start expressing interest but at the same time talking to each other about other people you were interested in....weird relationship....but let's just say you're best friends who tell each other everything and talk every day and trust with your lives. And you guys were kinda done, then you weren't...you kept on going and ended up kissing one day......well actually ignore that that's weird but basically you two love each other, purely, but you aren't together. And it's kinda irrelevant that now you can come up with those little scenarios without it being painful because you know you both love each other and would be really good for each other but you aren't. But then when you force yourself to out of lack of sweet talk or something, you can't even imagine them slightly wounded....like it hurts...you can't put them at disadvantage.
Is it because you both already see each other on the same level or this love is real? It isn't going to pass like the other ones, and I say that with the short attention span and emotional capability of a teenager in mind. But still! Do you know what I mean? It's different. Both of you care too much about the other to see the other hurt at all....worry to death about them....I don't know. Why is it? I kind of don't want to over-analyze it; it's so close to Christmas. Well, Merry Christmas to those of you in the east and Happy Holidays!
You know how you come up with scenarios in your head, fantasies maybe although that can give all the wrong connotations, little stories that would be "perfect" if only for a day? And you knew they were silly and if you told anyone else what your silly little brain conjured up in the late hours of the night before you fell asleep it'd be embarrassing? (not that it's dirty?)
I don't know whether this is something specific to a personality or role one would take on in how they put themselves across to new people, in a relationship, or who they make themselves to be. But, was it always, in those silly little dreams the subject of your interest obligated to you? You saving them? Them being hurt and you sacrificing yourself or something for them - because honestly you would? But it was never them saving you. You never felt good enough for them, or even if you were you know they didn't think so and so you'd have to prove yourself? So that's why you put them in pain, hurt, injured, incompetent. Because you wanted them to see you as the same as them because you were, weren't and wanted to be, or were better. But they thought you weren't and so that's why, you had to lower their pride so that they'd accept you.
Then again at that age it wouldn't have mattered; you couldn't really date them (and it would've been stupid to), and were you really going to marry them? But then again dating is practice for marriage...all the same just no. So, what could you have done? Before the age of puberty it was pretty innocent, well, depending on how naive you were xD and after that wouldn't you feel guilty? ((I apologize for only being able to address a limited audience)) And so it didn't matter if you "like" someone, you'd get over it soon and you knew that; at least, that's how I saw things (when my mind wasn't blowing things out of proportion). <- that was the second way I could've diverged and I shall elaborate.
So then now when you can date, whether it's secretly or not the terms don't matter so much to this point (although they do matter a great deal). And decide you want to, which makes all the difference - please don't be one of those people in high school looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, that's silly, just be yourself and have friends >_< anyways those people are...I don't have too much respect for them. But either way myself personally I do not want to date yet; I am more than content with my upperclassmen friends and though they say I won't be single by the end of this semester I will be I know, because I'll keep it that way. And things change, now that your "fantasies" are more...realistic? No, not necessarily...I mean, they could happen if you're practical enough. Which is scary and also wonderful at the same time.
Maybe something's changed now with these little scenarios your mind plays up now? Reference the third paragraph....are they still like that? [Just realizing it they might as well be if you're still insecure and don't really have the best of closests relationships with the subject] then I can't help you that is your mistake. But say, you and your best friend who started out in a bit of a flirting relationship from the start expressing interest but at the same time talking to each other about other people you were interested in....weird relationship....but let's just say you're best friends who tell each other everything and talk every day and trust with your lives. And you guys were kinda done, then you weren't...you kept on going and ended up kissing one day......well actually ignore that that's weird but basically you two love each other, purely, but you aren't together. And it's kinda irrelevant that now you can come up with those little scenarios without it being painful because you know you both love each other and would be really good for each other but you aren't. But then when you force yourself to out of lack of sweet talk or something, you can't even imagine them slightly wounded....like it hurts...you can't put them at disadvantage.
Is it because you both already see each other on the same level or this love is real? It isn't going to pass like the other ones, and I say that with the short attention span and emotional capability of a teenager in mind. But still! Do you know what I mean? It's different. Both of you care too much about the other to see the other hurt at all....worry to death about them....I don't know. Why is it? I kind of don't want to over-analyze it; it's so close to Christmas. Well, Merry Christmas to those of you in the east and Happy Holidays!
No comments:
Post a Comment