got this?

I am going to do this. Allstate. Not even going to think about Daniel, or Nate, or any of the other saxes or Wind Players that will probably audition for the Allstate Band and have at least ten times the percentage chance of getting in than me. Nope. They're their own thing, they can do whatever. Not going to think how they couldn't even get into the district honor jazz band and how good they are. Nope. Not going to think how we only sent three winds last year. Or all the freaking amazing high school Asians there are that can play better than I ever will, like the soloist at the DVC Philharmonic concert that was amazing. Nope. He doesn't matter. They don't matter. It's fine if I don't get in, I have more chances NO I am going all out. Eight hour recording session here I come. Learning new octave and songs in half a month with Marching Band Practices I hate you but I'll do it. I am going to do this. I can't do this but I'm going to. I can't but I will. None of those winds matter. They're just better than me so what? They aren't better at violin. I will make this happen. I will not be jealous of them. I will not cry. They can have their own little deal. I am me. That's all I have so I might as well go all out. I am going to make this happen. I will not fall out. Psh, band. Band kids. I love you but it hurts so much. Please don't take me down. I cannot let you (I will) I will not let you. I.....I need to do this. I am fine. I'm not good, far far far below great, don't even mention excellent, I'm just fine. I'm fine...I need to stop freaking out. Stop emphasizing the people who are better than me. I cannot do that. Bad! Bad bad bad! I am the least and most incompetent of all. What am I doing.

Please let me be accountable. I need this.....well....help.