I feel I must turn off my feelings. It would be quite helpful now. You know all those extra emotions that don't make any sense and make you do things and feel thing's you'll look back on a think you were blind? Yeah, those. The ones holding you back? Those.
Is it dangerous? All it would be is like not admitting your feelings for someone. Sometimes it's not the best.
I know why....he has a little sister. He's going to be affectionate towards someone weaker than him, lesser than him, someone with less skill and is cute and like a puppy.
I could've been just that, but it wasn't his first impression. We're practically the same now and both of us know it, but I come across as stronger because of a leadership and senority position, although I am smaller, younger, still exactly like the weaker crazy fun person he would take to. Which he probably sees but I'm not sure why he isn't comfortable engaging in conversation on that level.
He gets on fine with my best friend, who came across to him as incompetent, crazy, and low-functioning as a first impression. I'm not sure that he sees our looks at all, I mean, if he did....
haha. Maybe he doesn't care. If he didn't care about body or looks or the way they carry themselves AT ALL he'd like my friend. But he doesn't, he can't, they're just closer. She still isn't what he's looking for.
Maybe someday in the next four years he'll admire my strong side and see the side of me that's like a little girl. Oh how your birth order can screw you up. But by then, he'll probably forever see me as a friend. Or think it's weird to ask. I tell myself, as long as he learns social skills, 'cause he's going to need them. Someday there'll be a lot of other girls that will like him and I hope he'll know how to deal with it. He's so oblivious when it comes to this it's somewhat dangerous.
Yeah, I am jealous of their closeness. I mean, they do spend all of rehearsal next to each other because of instrumentation and their places, and have adjacent lockers (mine's one away from his) but I'm not going to go crazy. I won't go into analyzing my friend either, it plays a big part but I won't.
Just turning it off now. I am free. I don't care.
Is it dangerous? All it would be is like not admitting your feelings for someone. Sometimes it's not the best.
I know why....he has a little sister. He's going to be affectionate towards someone weaker than him, lesser than him, someone with less skill and is cute and like a puppy.
I could've been just that, but it wasn't his first impression. We're practically the same now and both of us know it, but I come across as stronger because of a leadership and senority position, although I am smaller, younger, still exactly like the weaker crazy fun person he would take to. Which he probably sees but I'm not sure why he isn't comfortable engaging in conversation on that level.
He gets on fine with my best friend, who came across to him as incompetent, crazy, and low-functioning as a first impression. I'm not sure that he sees our looks at all, I mean, if he did....
haha. Maybe he doesn't care. If he didn't care about body or looks or the way they carry themselves AT ALL he'd like my friend. But he doesn't, he can't, they're just closer. She still isn't what he's looking for.
Maybe someday in the next four years he'll admire my strong side and see the side of me that's like a little girl. Oh how your birth order can screw you up. But by then, he'll probably forever see me as a friend. Or think it's weird to ask. I tell myself, as long as he learns social skills, 'cause he's going to need them. Someday there'll be a lot of other girls that will like him and I hope he'll know how to deal with it. He's so oblivious when it comes to this it's somewhat dangerous.
Yeah, I am jealous of their closeness. I mean, they do spend all of rehearsal next to each other because of instrumentation and their places, and have adjacent lockers (mine's one away from his) but I'm not going to go crazy. I won't go into analyzing my friend either, it plays a big part but I won't.
Just turning it off now. I am free. I don't care.
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