So today was going to be a decent day, then it slowly cascaded down...
I realized I was entering a dangerous conversation, and a dangerous position, both unrelated but at the same time. I dared to initiate the conversation and to take on the dangerous role, because I felt it was right. With the conversation I wasn't sure what I was looking for. Maybe I wanted to decide all or nothing, am I going to separate myself from this or go all for it?
The fact that the conversation would bring me down was inevitable, I just didn't see it, or didn't want to. I think eventually I'll have to separate myself from this bond but I don't want to. I don't know what I want. Or what I should do. What does one need? What is important? Who is really important, and who isn't?
Who do you listen to when you have a lot of admirable people to look up to? Who do you decide to be like and follow? And how important are they? How important should they be? I believe that you should either see everyone the same as you or higher than you, because 1) It really sucks when you feel like someone is looking down on you when you know they shouldn't be so you lose all respect for them because of their superiority complex 2) If they're better than you then you can't maintain a relationship with them because they're not looking at your potential and other abilities. Nobody is better than you at everything, right? It's quite unhealthy and they should see you for what you are 3) a relationship will never work, they'll never feel threatened and you always will.
So, respect people. Even if they're worse than you, don't look at them that way, for god's sake...The moment you look down on someone it takes away their impact.
Higher than you gives them power. Now who to give it to, is half the problem.
Another problem is how to improve....you should always improve but everyone has different ideas on how and the end result. And I'm not sure what to do. Or who to listen to. What to do and what it'll cost and what you can get away with. When to be honest, when to compromise, and when to tell them what they want to hear for the sake of it. When to cry and when to tell yourself you have no reason to listen to them. Or that you shouldn't. Who do spend more time with. Who to love. Who to be wary of. Who to let rule your life, and who will create a mutual benefit relationship. Who's going to be honest and heart to heart with you, and who's worn away all the truth left in them. Who's built up the thickest walls and who's willing to talk. Who's open to new relationships and who's too afraid to be hurt. What's your potential and where do you want to go? Who's opinion freaking matters?
Can I cry?
I realized I was entering a dangerous conversation, and a dangerous position, both unrelated but at the same time. I dared to initiate the conversation and to take on the dangerous role, because I felt it was right. With the conversation I wasn't sure what I was looking for. Maybe I wanted to decide all or nothing, am I going to separate myself from this or go all for it?
The fact that the conversation would bring me down was inevitable, I just didn't see it, or didn't want to. I think eventually I'll have to separate myself from this bond but I don't want to. I don't know what I want. Or what I should do. What does one need? What is important? Who is really important, and who isn't?
Who do you listen to when you have a lot of admirable people to look up to? Who do you decide to be like and follow? And how important are they? How important should they be? I believe that you should either see everyone the same as you or higher than you, because 1) It really sucks when you feel like someone is looking down on you when you know they shouldn't be so you lose all respect for them because of their superiority complex 2) If they're better than you then you can't maintain a relationship with them because they're not looking at your potential and other abilities. Nobody is better than you at everything, right? It's quite unhealthy and they should see you for what you are 3) a relationship will never work, they'll never feel threatened and you always will.
So, respect people. Even if they're worse than you, don't look at them that way, for god's sake...The moment you look down on someone it takes away their impact.
Higher than you gives them power. Now who to give it to, is half the problem.
Another problem is how to improve....you should always improve but everyone has different ideas on how and the end result. And I'm not sure what to do. Or who to listen to. What to do and what it'll cost and what you can get away with. When to be honest, when to compromise, and when to tell them what they want to hear for the sake of it. When to cry and when to tell yourself you have no reason to listen to them. Or that you shouldn't. Who do spend more time with. Who to love. Who to be wary of. Who to let rule your life, and who will create a mutual benefit relationship. Who's going to be honest and heart to heart with you, and who's worn away all the truth left in them. Who's built up the thickest walls and who's willing to talk. Who's open to new relationships and who's too afraid to be hurt. What's your potential and where do you want to go? Who's opinion freaking matters?
Can I cry?
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