It's getting harder and harder to write intellectually as the school year is now under way for me, funny right? I don't know what's my problem, but this year I'm just so confused. Even after 11 hours of sleep (I can crash like that on a bad day).
Do our brains really atrophy that fast? How do we stop it....keep using them, right? What I don't understand is sleep. No matter how much we get we always want more; I know you can sleep past that point where it doesn't do you any good and you just exhaust yourself, but you can feel rejuvenated then just plain dead. Why?
I was excited for Robotics Club today! And I have to say it was a pretty good day, 'cause I'm not going to let stupid things bother me. I had a fun conversation with Max, Greg, another one of our friends, and Arthur, and because it was with Max and Arthur, two people who have troubled me recently it was good.
I feel like we have to gauge our relationships with everybody. Seeing who we need to put more time into, who less time, who to tell what, how to treat certain people and how our relationship is at the moment. Because in truth, a relationship of any kind takes a lot of effort, sometimes we are just too tired....and take things for granted. Or could improve but don't!
But again today they troubled me. I walk into the junior-senior band class because I forget something and this random girl I don't even know the name of asks me if I like Daniel, Arthur's brother. Honestly I'm not ready to talk about it, yes I admit that is my one point I'm not solid on *as quickly*. So I told her "Uhhhh....I can't say...." and she practically yells "IS THAT A YES!?" and then I go over to my locker and Arthur asks me "Why are you doing robotics.....?" well he knows Daniel and I were talking about it and since I was pretty worried I kept a damn straight face and said "'cause I've wanted to....since like last year....why?" and he's like "Oh. Okay good. Good." and won't say why....I'm so worried about who would've tipped them off. After school Hammy's like "Oh Celine we were talking about you in band.....in a good way...." and Max was giving me his scowl that I know means he was thinking about me and he wasn't happy about it, or he was trying to figure something out.
I tried justifying all this. Arthur asked because he thought I might fancy Daniel, but he doesn't for sure now. After all, he was going to talk to that creep for me and we became cool in robotics. Max was just scowling because he's Max, and that girl, well maybe she asked because he likes me. There's only two reasons. Either they think he likes me or they think I like him; the first wouldn't make sense with Arthur but I tried to reason that Arthur has been cleared. I just can't get that out of my head. And Hammy's would fit in with either.
This worries me too much and I told myself to just let go and not care, and just be cool, because otherwise I'll kill myself over it, which I don't need. I just don't want people to respect me any less for it, easiest example being Max, or possibly Daniel himself. I trust people too much and see them as better sometimes, which I shouldn't.....but Jessi knows, and she'd never say, Katie does and she would hint, Sohnjay wouldn't...maybe hint less than Katie. By hint I mean accidentally without meaning to it's just their nature. Anna and Heidi would never but maybe someone overheard us. Or they're concerned about Daniel, not me, which I hope is true (haha, not, why would Arthur ask then? I'm doing robotics because Daniel asked me? and Daniel would never. haha)
See how I'm overthinking this? So it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Tomorrow I'll try to be cool with Max, and Arthur, and Daniel if he's there, talk to that girl if I see her, if I don't oh well, never mention it 'cause I bet nobody else will, and if they do.....oh well.
So this is my approach so I don't stress out. I always do, and maybe it's my fault for being so concerned and trusting but......I don't know. Is it resignation to be falling away from concern? Because it seriously damages me and does me no good, this goddamn worrying. aaaaaaaaand I got distracted, it probably took me 2-3 hours to write this. Do. Not. Overthink. But we should all have our own ways for compensating right? It does nobody any good to be sad, or worried. Just stay on top....as long as you can, there's no need to. Yeah, if you screw up maybe then....but do you want to? Just get back up again....ha. Oh well.
I'm trying to use my brain, after speaking about emotion then using some intellect to reflect on it.
So in robotics I couldn't have been more confused watching Arthur program something using "Arduino" to program this mini motherboard.....but he promised he would teach me next week!! :D I can't wait! Engineering is so my thing, we watched this awesome video on it (well, the design process) of this awesome group and I'd love to do what they did but with Architecture (the group was IDEO from Palo Alto, CA). Which is why I plan to major in Civil Engineering and Architecture, but I still have some time....
In robotics there's only four freshmen, three are me and these other two guys I know and there's only two girls, me and this girl who's in orchestra with me. She said everyone in the club either wore glasses or had a bad skin complex which isn't true, but I laughed anyways.
I can tell the people who do stuff are all like-minded, which makes sense, but everyone seems to just fit. Not too much clashing that I could see, yet. A type of independent and self-sufficient encouraging family so that you can work together for the best for everybody.
The other club, which does Mock-Trials and Debate has majority of a certain race......like 95% but I won't say who, I just wonder why. I don't think most lawyers are from that background but one of the girls wants to me. There's also a handful of band kids in that class....I don't know why.
And so, here goes my night of not thinking.
I'm so sorry today wasn't so much intellectual, I mean you can really tell I didn't have to think so much. I've just had a lot on my brain and was hoping to make sense of it, see, this is how I am in the school year isn't it horrible? No need for a brain but this year I do!! So I have to change that. I'm so sorry, I promise I'll get over this soon and start posting relevant things. I apologize deeply.
By now, I hope you haven't judged me by my age or country either, for that matter.
:) Until later...
Do our brains really atrophy that fast? How do we stop it....keep using them, right? What I don't understand is sleep. No matter how much we get we always want more; I know you can sleep past that point where it doesn't do you any good and you just exhaust yourself, but you can feel rejuvenated then just plain dead. Why?
I was excited for Robotics Club today! And I have to say it was a pretty good day, 'cause I'm not going to let stupid things bother me. I had a fun conversation with Max, Greg, another one of our friends, and Arthur, and because it was with Max and Arthur, two people who have troubled me recently it was good.
I feel like we have to gauge our relationships with everybody. Seeing who we need to put more time into, who less time, who to tell what, how to treat certain people and how our relationship is at the moment. Because in truth, a relationship of any kind takes a lot of effort, sometimes we are just too tired....and take things for granted. Or could improve but don't!
But again today they troubled me. I walk into the junior-senior band class because I forget something and this random girl I don't even know the name of asks me if I like Daniel, Arthur's brother. Honestly I'm not ready to talk about it, yes I admit that is my one point I'm not solid on *as quickly*. So I told her "Uhhhh....I can't say...." and she practically yells "IS THAT A YES!?" and then I go over to my locker and Arthur asks me "Why are you doing robotics.....?" well he knows Daniel and I were talking about it and since I was pretty worried I kept a damn straight face and said "'cause I've wanted to....since like last year....why?" and he's like "Oh. Okay good. Good." and won't say why....I'm so worried about who would've tipped them off. After school Hammy's like "Oh Celine we were talking about you in band.....in a good way...." and Max was giving me his scowl that I know means he was thinking about me and he wasn't happy about it, or he was trying to figure something out.
I tried justifying all this. Arthur asked because he thought I might fancy Daniel, but he doesn't for sure now. After all, he was going to talk to that creep for me and we became cool in robotics. Max was just scowling because he's Max, and that girl, well maybe she asked because he likes me. There's only two reasons. Either they think he likes me or they think I like him; the first wouldn't make sense with Arthur but I tried to reason that Arthur has been cleared. I just can't get that out of my head. And Hammy's would fit in with either.
This worries me too much and I told myself to just let go and not care, and just be cool, because otherwise I'll kill myself over it, which I don't need. I just don't want people to respect me any less for it, easiest example being Max, or possibly Daniel himself. I trust people too much and see them as better sometimes, which I shouldn't.....but Jessi knows, and she'd never say, Katie does and she would hint, Sohnjay wouldn't...maybe hint less than Katie. By hint I mean accidentally without meaning to it's just their nature. Anna and Heidi would never but maybe someone overheard us. Or they're concerned about Daniel, not me, which I hope is true (haha, not, why would Arthur ask then? I'm doing robotics because Daniel asked me? and Daniel would never. haha)
See how I'm overthinking this? So it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Tomorrow I'll try to be cool with Max, and Arthur, and Daniel if he's there, talk to that girl if I see her, if I don't oh well, never mention it 'cause I bet nobody else will, and if they do.....oh well.
So this is my approach so I don't stress out. I always do, and maybe it's my fault for being so concerned and trusting but......I don't know. Is it resignation to be falling away from concern? Because it seriously damages me and does me no good, this goddamn worrying. aaaaaaaaand I got distracted, it probably took me 2-3 hours to write this. Do. Not. Overthink. But we should all have our own ways for compensating right? It does nobody any good to be sad, or worried. Just stay on top....as long as you can, there's no need to. Yeah, if you screw up maybe then....but do you want to? Just get back up again....ha. Oh well.
I'm trying to use my brain, after speaking about emotion then using some intellect to reflect on it.
So in robotics I couldn't have been more confused watching Arthur program something using "Arduino" to program this mini motherboard.....but he promised he would teach me next week!! :D I can't wait! Engineering is so my thing, we watched this awesome video on it (well, the design process) of this awesome group and I'd love to do what they did but with Architecture (the group was IDEO from Palo Alto, CA). Which is why I plan to major in Civil Engineering and Architecture, but I still have some time....
In robotics there's only four freshmen, three are me and these other two guys I know and there's only two girls, me and this girl who's in orchestra with me. She said everyone in the club either wore glasses or had a bad skin complex which isn't true, but I laughed anyways.
I can tell the people who do stuff are all like-minded, which makes sense, but everyone seems to just fit. Not too much clashing that I could see, yet. A type of independent and self-sufficient encouraging family so that you can work together for the best for everybody.
The other club, which does Mock-Trials and Debate has majority of a certain race......like 95% but I won't say who, I just wonder why. I don't think most lawyers are from that background but one of the girls wants to me. There's also a handful of band kids in that class....I don't know why.
And so, here goes my night of not thinking.
I'm so sorry today wasn't so much intellectual, I mean you can really tell I didn't have to think so much. I've just had a lot on my brain and was hoping to make sense of it, see, this is how I am in the school year isn't it horrible? No need for a brain but this year I do!! So I have to change that. I'm so sorry, I promise I'll get over this soon and start posting relevant things. I apologize deeply.
By now, I hope you haven't judged me by my age or country either, for that matter.
:) Until later...
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