Streeeeeess

School was unbelievably stressful today. I didn't even think so until the last 20 minutes though. It was just horrible....then it got good (because of my crazy thinking) to the point where it didn't matter....then I just hit a point where everything was just horrible. 

Then I remembered the usual feeling that happens during the school year. You worry your ass off every day for school and just stress out and over think all these problems, but then you still want to go back to school, either because it's fun or for a stupid reason, and then you realize it's mainly because home is hell. Since one day of forgetting your lunch and your parents think you're trying to starve yourself for your self image. Geesus. I'm not insecure about my looks at all I'm perfectly at ease with my body good grief. Some people eat more than others get over it.

Anywhooooooo...............it's frustrating and so hard having to tune into so many people at once. Just too many people to stay tuned in to....wayyyy too many. Then of course you put emphasis on all the wrong ones and do silly things because of them and are always distracted when you're talking to just one cause you have to keep at least 6 other people in tune and you feel rude or half-hearted but you're not you just have this whole thing going in your head and it's so hard.....

Tuning into others in a band or orchestra is a gazillion times easier.

There's just too many people you love and are concerned about! Too many people your know! And you care too much about some and it's hurting yourself and oh.....it's just horrible.

 And even so there's more real things you can be stressing out to.....just so many other things other than tuning in. Some social some not.

And it's the fourth freaking day of high school. Whoop-de-do I'm gonna die.

I need more sleep, but I've been pretty good on that. Time management? Parents please, I got this down, same as eating habits for the love of pete. Socially I'm stable but I just tune in to too many people. Classes-wise? They just suck this year.

But I think, I'll get somewhere. Somehow.

I'm thinking this tuning in thing is the problem mainly. Is it? Is it my parents? Or just a combination of school and a social life? 

Don't even get me started on....how good these people are from DV and how much I envy them.....admire them, hate them, scorn them, yet love them, respect them, and are put out by them. And not even on the DV band kids.....holy sheesh.