I suppose you could call today a horrible day. Besides that horny creeper that's augh just there and should creep on someone else, there's another somewhat creepy guy who just....ew. Augh. He's my friend but shouldn't come onto me like that especially has a girlfriend. And it's gross and some of my other potential friends might see that as a deterrent.
And Daniel transferred out of my PE class. We were always partners for everything! D: We had actually gotten a good deal closer as friends, I was so happy.....and now he's in the other class. Because they're trying to balance out the classes and since his friend was added in the other day they chose someone random to fill it out. Why him....I don't know anyone in that class, which isn't most of it, it's just that I'll miss him. We both worked pretty hard to forge a relationship, being two quiet people around strangers and it was just awesome! I'll miss that....and when Marching Band's over if we never talk I'll cry. I'd seriously call us friends now, as tight as him and his old guy friends, and I think we had a chance....
Speaking of which, I'm learning more about my new male classmates from Diablo View. Nate continues to confuse me as sometimes he's too observant of me and other times I'm not there. But they're all sweet people.
And since I mentioned crying......
I swear I teared up, a tear may or may not have fell.....
My friend Max, a guy I respect more than anyone else in the band arguably, this guy that I love and respect and hold in a high place in my head, also my section leader, has been having that debate of who will be "minion", or section leader after him. And as much as it bothered me I let it go, because I told myself I respected him to the point where if it's his decision I'll do more than live with it. And Daniel isn't so bad, all the same I'd still probably tear up.
During lunch for the longest time he was comparing me to Daniel and Nate.....okay they're like freaking gods at sax and Daniel's good at everything, and Nate's just awesome and chill and it was just horrible. He was comparing them to me! I realized they hit him not quite like I had and oh, I kept from crying by laughing and squinting my eyes enough so that you couldn't tell. Great method. It was so horrible, seeing this person you admire so much tell you that you're not good enough, and that those two are better than you in every way possible and just praising them for every goddamn thing they do, and you're there feeling like an underappreciated piece of shit who should just die.
I swear, that was the worse feeling in the world. Especially coming from him. Max. Anybody else I could've gotten over much easier. But it's Max. Max. I swear I died on the inside. And as soon as he left....leaving this big stab in me, I just started tearing up, I couldn't hold it. Even Mr. Scott gave me a funny look. I got over it enough to participate in class but I was still thinking of it.
I wish I could say that's all exaggeration but I can't :/ I don't think I've ever felt worse.
And Daniel transferred out of my PE class. We were always partners for everything! D: We had actually gotten a good deal closer as friends, I was so happy.....and now he's in the other class. Because they're trying to balance out the classes and since his friend was added in the other day they chose someone random to fill it out. Why him....I don't know anyone in that class, which isn't most of it, it's just that I'll miss him. We both worked pretty hard to forge a relationship, being two quiet people around strangers and it was just awesome! I'll miss that....and when Marching Band's over if we never talk I'll cry. I'd seriously call us friends now, as tight as him and his old guy friends, and I think we had a chance....
Speaking of which, I'm learning more about my new male classmates from Diablo View. Nate continues to confuse me as sometimes he's too observant of me and other times I'm not there. But they're all sweet people.
And since I mentioned crying......
I swear I teared up, a tear may or may not have fell.....
My friend Max, a guy I respect more than anyone else in the band arguably, this guy that I love and respect and hold in a high place in my head, also my section leader, has been having that debate of who will be "minion", or section leader after him. And as much as it bothered me I let it go, because I told myself I respected him to the point where if it's his decision I'll do more than live with it. And Daniel isn't so bad, all the same I'd still probably tear up.
During lunch for the longest time he was comparing me to Daniel and Nate.....okay they're like freaking gods at sax and Daniel's good at everything, and Nate's just awesome and chill and it was just horrible. He was comparing them to me! I realized they hit him not quite like I had and oh, I kept from crying by laughing and squinting my eyes enough so that you couldn't tell. Great method. It was so horrible, seeing this person you admire so much tell you that you're not good enough, and that those two are better than you in every way possible and just praising them for every goddamn thing they do, and you're there feeling like an underappreciated piece of shit who should just die.
I swear, that was the worse feeling in the world. Especially coming from him. Max. Anybody else I could've gotten over much easier. But it's Max. Max. I swear I died on the inside. And as soon as he left....leaving this big stab in me, I just started tearing up, I couldn't hold it. Even Mr. Scott gave me a funny look. I got over it enough to participate in class but I was still thinking of it.
I wish I could say that's all exaggeration but I can't :/ I don't think I've ever felt worse.
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