11/12/12 Sometime at night...
I think our Band Review was good this last Saturday. It was fun. I mean, we didn't place in the first half....but from our perspectives it's a lot better than last year xD The feeling of franticness as you think you're going to screw up and let everyone down and forget everything or someone in your section will kinda overwhelmed me and I could've just died. I thought I didn't have this. Out there, I thought, "Okay, I'm here. I got this." and there was one judge up in the box who seemed to just be staring at me every time I looked at him in the beginning so I was thinking "Okay that's weird, maybe he's the woodwind judge but why just me?" I lifted my bell angle higher than usual. He was still looking at me. "Alright, challenge accepted." and for the whole show (besides looking at the drum majors and dressing) I glared him down, lifted my sax as high as I could, and thought, "Well, you can keep watching me this whole time and I promise you, I will not mess up. Try to find a mistake. I dare you. I got this." :D It was wonderful.
I had a really good talk yesterday with some beloved friends, one who's three years ahead of me and two that are two years ahead of me in school. It was wonderful how deep, serious, complex, and high-thinking our conversation was....a lot of it was concerning religion and beliefs and other aspects of it included respect, morality, and social behavior. I'm glad they were mature enough and so was I because those types of good discussions are rare. And I love them; they mean so much. When you're all thinking and performing at high levels and your vocabulary is broad and you're being serious, everything hits home and we're being real, really thinking, it's wonderful.
I did end up crying at the end because they're all going to graduate and leave me and I just can't....can't imagine them not being there. What will I do with myself? So yeah.
There were some good points about last night.
Someone said, "I think every religion is the same in the aspect that we have a common goal and believe in a higher power but it's just how we believe on getting there that makes the difference."
I'm not sure to agree or not because religions tend to condemn each other. Yet a lot of them if not most center on suffering in this world to enter a better state of presence once we die, and giving our souls and bodies up for/to a higher purpose. So that still needs another discussion to finish it.
"A big factor is in how you represent yourself..." right after he said that we all kinda forgot what we were talking about but I believe it was in defining yourself and who you are.
He also agreed, and he being a senior that his first impression of everyone when he was a freshman was how impressive they were. They were all so defined and sure of themselves, confident in their decisions and knew who they were. It was intimidating, and that's what hit both of us first. (Aside from that, I decided that once I saw them and was amazing I was going to define myself. So I did, even when I stopped seeing them....so now I see them again and I feel like I'm just like them and unlike everyone else in my grade. Because I told myself "I am going to know myself inside and out and define my very being and I will amaze people." I guess it worked because one of my teachers described me as always knowing what I wanted and I would give everything for it. A very passionate person. Haha. That also shocked them, they didn't know I got so passionate. I always am, I just hide it 'cause it's a little weird.)
Occasionally, running away from your problems works; other times you need to make a wrong and right and fix it. When dealing with problems you never do anything to compromise your morality (further).
I guess high school is a time to find yourself and to open up your mind. And who isn't scared that they're going to screw themselves up and end up as someone they never ever wanted to be? We're all just very imperfect people having a very deep conversation and thinking on higher levels than usual. It was supposed to be a movie night, but we thought way too much, sitting on the cold tile floor of the kitchen talking.
There were like four girls who I believe cannot shut up, and are quite immature. I've asked myself if some of them have even forgotten how to talk to type in english....their language is strange. Who are they? Have they ever just sat down and thought about their life? I think it's very depressing but who am I to judge....I'll just tell myself they're just being more loose. Who knows. You can't have this type of conversation with them, they always pull out. But we're all imperfect.
I think our Band Review was good this last Saturday. It was fun. I mean, we didn't place in the first half....but from our perspectives it's a lot better than last year xD The feeling of franticness as you think you're going to screw up and let everyone down and forget everything or someone in your section will kinda overwhelmed me and I could've just died. I thought I didn't have this. Out there, I thought, "Okay, I'm here. I got this." and there was one judge up in the box who seemed to just be staring at me every time I looked at him in the beginning so I was thinking "Okay that's weird, maybe he's the woodwind judge but why just me?" I lifted my bell angle higher than usual. He was still looking at me. "Alright, challenge accepted." and for the whole show (besides looking at the drum majors and dressing) I glared him down, lifted my sax as high as I could, and thought, "Well, you can keep watching me this whole time and I promise you, I will not mess up. Try to find a mistake. I dare you. I got this." :D It was wonderful.
I had a really good talk yesterday with some beloved friends, one who's three years ahead of me and two that are two years ahead of me in school. It was wonderful how deep, serious, complex, and high-thinking our conversation was....a lot of it was concerning religion and beliefs and other aspects of it included respect, morality, and social behavior. I'm glad they were mature enough and so was I because those types of good discussions are rare. And I love them; they mean so much. When you're all thinking and performing at high levels and your vocabulary is broad and you're being serious, everything hits home and we're being real, really thinking, it's wonderful.
I did end up crying at the end because they're all going to graduate and leave me and I just can't....can't imagine them not being there. What will I do with myself? So yeah.
There were some good points about last night.
Someone said, "I think every religion is the same in the aspect that we have a common goal and believe in a higher power but it's just how we believe on getting there that makes the difference."
I'm not sure to agree or not because religions tend to condemn each other. Yet a lot of them if not most center on suffering in this world to enter a better state of presence once we die, and giving our souls and bodies up for/to a higher purpose. So that still needs another discussion to finish it.
"A big factor is in how you represent yourself..." right after he said that we all kinda forgot what we were talking about but I believe it was in defining yourself and who you are.
He also agreed, and he being a senior that his first impression of everyone when he was a freshman was how impressive they were. They were all so defined and sure of themselves, confident in their decisions and knew who they were. It was intimidating, and that's what hit both of us first. (Aside from that, I decided that once I saw them and was amazing I was going to define myself. So I did, even when I stopped seeing them....so now I see them again and I feel like I'm just like them and unlike everyone else in my grade. Because I told myself "I am going to know myself inside and out and define my very being and I will amaze people." I guess it worked because one of my teachers described me as always knowing what I wanted and I would give everything for it. A very passionate person. Haha. That also shocked them, they didn't know I got so passionate. I always am, I just hide it 'cause it's a little weird.)
Occasionally, running away from your problems works; other times you need to make a wrong and right and fix it. When dealing with problems you never do anything to compromise your morality (further).
I guess high school is a time to find yourself and to open up your mind. And who isn't scared that they're going to screw themselves up and end up as someone they never ever wanted to be? We're all just very imperfect people having a very deep conversation and thinking on higher levels than usual. It was supposed to be a movie night, but we thought way too much, sitting on the cold tile floor of the kitchen talking.
There were like four girls who I believe cannot shut up, and are quite immature. I've asked myself if some of them have even forgotten how to talk to type in english....their language is strange. Who are they? Have they ever just sat down and thought about their life? I think it's very depressing but who am I to judge....I'll just tell myself they're just being more loose. Who knows. You can't have this type of conversation with them, they always pull out. But we're all imperfect.
No comments:
Post a Comment