MOST CONFUSING agkgkabdbs

You know what the most confusing thing in the world is? It's so sad :( I hate it.

When your role models, friends that you love and would die for and who are awesome good people are like "You changed, the old you was better." between this year and last year. When really you haven't changed at all. It's just that you haven't changed at all, it's just that you're less shy now and are more social. It makes me angry and very frustrated and sad. It confuses me. What do they see in me that's so bad??? And i want to be like them so i would be willing to change but i dont know what it is. I wish i could've seen them when they were my age (oh, did I mention they're older?) so that i could see how they changed. Why do they think im messed up now? Im better now than i was then. I didn't talk then. Let's punch a wall. I'm so confused. If they think i'm gonna grow up messed up I'll show them wrong. It sucks. I have not changed, what on earth do you see? Is it because i'm social? And i love to laugh and make new relationships and I mean it I don't put on fake faces or reactions or conversations, I'd cry if they thought so. I swear. Can't we just believe each other?! They need to believe me. Oh my gosh. They don't understand how much this means to me and how it's affecting me. Some stuff I'll never forget:

"You changed. You suck now." sarcasm?! Idk

"Don't give me that face. Yeah, that one." it was my legitimate reaction that i use a lot yes, but its honest

"I listen to the way you talk and pay attention to the way you think."

"Whoa when did you start talking like that?!"

"That wasn't smart, why would you do that?"

"You've changed in the last year...you've been corrupted."

"You aren't all innocent and nice anymore."

"He loved you last year. This year he just likes you."

"You're starting to get a little cocky." ON MY MOTHERFREAKING HONOR I SWEAR I AM NOT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD ITS MOTHERBLEEPING CONFIDENCE AND SAYING WHAT I HAVE TO YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS AFFECTS ME

Looks also do too. I mean I can see it in your mothertrucking eyes when you're disappointed in me.


Give me a freaking chance. Please. You just judged me on the bleeping spot. When i met you guys you know what I thought? "Okay, so this is different. I'm not going to make opinions of your guys for a while." AND I ACTUALLY REPRIMANDED MYSELF EVERYTIME I WOULD START TO "I like all of you guys and I'm not going to be able to understand all of you or see every side of you which is cool, I won't pry and I'll trust you, I believe you are good people." Maybe that's why I can only see the good in them. Either way they should have open minds. They don't know me. I should've thought and hoped that they would gage me accurately but i guess not.


REAL PEOPLE CAN HAVE SEEMINGLY OVERENTHUSIASTIC ROLES IN A CONVERSATION OH MY GOODNESS JUST BECAUSE YOU SEEM REALLY BUBBLY AND HAPPY TO TALK DOESNT MEAN YOURE FAKE AND IF YOU START TALKING PERSONAL YOURE REALY OPEN ABOUT YOURSELF IT DOESNT MEAN YOURE JUST ACTING OR PUTTING SOMETHING ON TO GET PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU.

Let's get that clear. That's 1. Confidence isn't cockiness should be 2. For goodness sakes believe all reactions and words to be honest that's 3. 4 have a freaking open mind about people!! Ahh!!!

So many needed concepts.

And since I have to explain my emotion, this is why I'm really frustrated/angry and depressed/sad now.