To my dearest friend Jesi:
Are spontaneous decisions okay? Just out of the blue....or my rationality is probably slurred because of today.
Remember how we were talking about, well, them before? You asked me, "Why don't you confront him about it?" and I said, "Because I'm afraid of him and how he'll probably screw with my life directly if I do." and you had a very good point in saying how they're probably just as afraid of him...then i said it was their responsibility as an individual in society to be someone who will make a positive impact and further advance our society. It is their responsibility, regardless of their circumstances, to be a strong independent person. Well maybe not strong. That's relative.
But, you don't have to be an individual to me mature. And I told you how I can't stand that right? D: So I realized...well wait. I should ask myself - Why do I like Max, Max, and Zach? They're all very immature! (Hammy and Jason aren't immature. Their silly) so why do I...? Maybe because well I can see why based off the other circumstances in their life whether it's that they don't know what to do with themselves or they need to blow off energy or they're just afraid of...responsibility and growing up? And then with what I said it's their job to stop being immature and they shouldn't be :/ so it doesn't make sense that I can be annoyed with Chase when Burmeister say is just as bad. Which he isn't. Maybe it's because they have self-control? Because they do. And they are individuals. They're strong characters while say Chase is not...well Daniel's certainly a character but isn't quite a person. Maybe that's why, I don't know, what do you think?
I don't know. So I held more adoration for my section last year right? Hahaha. Maybe that's it. I will always think they're better than me and always will be :P just like so many other people. I told you how I had a soft spot for Chase right? I mean just as a friend I wanted to get to know him even though I knew it would do no good whatsoever. And I admired Daniel for his capabilities if not his incompetencies. But I realize I shouldn't like them at all.....like at all at all. In any way shape of form other than just to get along with them. That I shouldn't let Chase's immature language get into my get and all his dirty little schpeels go on because I don't want to hear it and corrupt my mind. I don't want to let him do that. Today in concert arcs...well he was especially inappropriate. And it really bothers me because it's one thing if he's going to think like that but it's another if he's going to corrupt who I am. Burmeister tries to protect me, he will actually go at Chase and make him shut up for me thank goodness I love him so much for that! Chase is such a follower that he'll do it. So I should just kind of forget Chase. When the season's over I'll never see him again besides when we pass between 3-4 and if he's ever following his friends around into the band room. That's easy. Daniel and I could have a great relationship as friends with mutual benefits from knowing each other it's just not very practical when Arthur's around. Augh Arthur. Watch Chase tell Arthur about concert arcs today (Burmeister kinda brought up the Jones boys and I tried to abort ship before Chase would notice but whatever) he'll probably just say that Burmeister and Celine were talking about him and Daniel and hehe, to be honest, I think we're the two people Arthur's most afraid of in the section.
Did I tell you how Arthur told me before that he hopes I'm enough of an individual to stand up to him because most of his friends become dependent on him (like the freshmen boys) and all that? And he said he hasn't found very many people that haven't given in in that way and I told him I'll show him...then he said he might be starting to regret it when he couldn't guilt me into telling him things about myself and I ended up asking him uncomfortable questions about his conscience when he was trying to pressure me into confiding in him. Hahaha! :D so now we generally avoid each other in the back of our minds but we're okay. And I can see why Burmeister hates him now. And Arthur would hate Burmeister he hates everyone under the sun that he can't control -.- well, not really, not the people he respects. That's a small number. Arthur's afraid of people stronger than him which frankly there aren't very many - there's you who he respects though!
Well the point....or whatever. Not the point at all, that was a bad choice of vocabulary. What I mean is, I shouldn't like Andrew. And that's a given. He's an immature jerk...that sums a lot up. I really shouldn't, you're so right. And I knew that. I knew you were right and that I should avoid him. I guess I was just afraid to...let go? It's been a year since we met and it's just weird. But I should, right? I just didn't want to. I was too afraid. I'm sorry for that. Well I don't know what happened to me but I decided I don't want to like him anymore. I don't want to have any feelings for him besides a not-too-close friendship and I'm actually gonna try for that now. I won't be able to hold up to it but hey the season's almost over. (By the way he definitely remembers Saturday; he made a reference to something he only called me that night [yes it was very appropriate] earlier today) but now I'm ready to forget it...I could do with that xD It's going to be impossible for me and I'm going to give in for the same reasons why I tolerate Chase on the level of friendship where we can tease and literally push each other around. I don't exactly know why. Oh! 'Cause they're abosolutely non-threatening and safe. Very un-threatening much unlike Arthur. They aren't strong people.
Is that a good spontaneous resolution? You're been trying to drill it into me thank you so much! I just finally realized that was your point!
I know how today's going to go! XD I'll write down what homework I have to do, probably cry a little, read the notes I have kept with me all day, make it bittersweet, possibly work on the book of my "older brothers", and either watch NCIS all night and if I get yelled at I'll start playing League of Legends and resort to playing violin if necessary. That usually helps. Please keep me on your prayer list :) I was going to text you but this was kinda long...
Are spontaneous decisions okay? Just out of the blue....or my rationality is probably slurred because of today.
Remember how we were talking about, well, them before? You asked me, "Why don't you confront him about it?" and I said, "Because I'm afraid of him and how he'll probably screw with my life directly if I do." and you had a very good point in saying how they're probably just as afraid of him...then i said it was their responsibility as an individual in society to be someone who will make a positive impact and further advance our society. It is their responsibility, regardless of their circumstances, to be a strong independent person. Well maybe not strong. That's relative.
But, you don't have to be an individual to me mature. And I told you how I can't stand that right? D: So I realized...well wait. I should ask myself - Why do I like Max, Max, and Zach? They're all very immature! (Hammy and Jason aren't immature. Their silly) so why do I...? Maybe because well I can see why based off the other circumstances in their life whether it's that they don't know what to do with themselves or they need to blow off energy or they're just afraid of...responsibility and growing up? And then with what I said it's their job to stop being immature and they shouldn't be :/ so it doesn't make sense that I can be annoyed with Chase when Burmeister say is just as bad. Which he isn't. Maybe it's because they have self-control? Because they do. And they are individuals. They're strong characters while say Chase is not...well Daniel's certainly a character but isn't quite a person. Maybe that's why, I don't know, what do you think?
I don't know. So I held more adoration for my section last year right? Hahaha. Maybe that's it. I will always think they're better than me and always will be :P just like so many other people. I told you how I had a soft spot for Chase right? I mean just as a friend I wanted to get to know him even though I knew it would do no good whatsoever. And I admired Daniel for his capabilities if not his incompetencies. But I realize I shouldn't like them at all.....like at all at all. In any way shape of form other than just to get along with them. That I shouldn't let Chase's immature language get into my get and all his dirty little schpeels go on because I don't want to hear it and corrupt my mind. I don't want to let him do that. Today in concert arcs...well he was especially inappropriate. And it really bothers me because it's one thing if he's going to think like that but it's another if he's going to corrupt who I am. Burmeister tries to protect me, he will actually go at Chase and make him shut up for me thank goodness I love him so much for that! Chase is such a follower that he'll do it. So I should just kind of forget Chase. When the season's over I'll never see him again besides when we pass between 3-4 and if he's ever following his friends around into the band room. That's easy. Daniel and I could have a great relationship as friends with mutual benefits from knowing each other it's just not very practical when Arthur's around. Augh Arthur. Watch Chase tell Arthur about concert arcs today (Burmeister kinda brought up the Jones boys and I tried to abort ship before Chase would notice but whatever) he'll probably just say that Burmeister and Celine were talking about him and Daniel and hehe, to be honest, I think we're the two people Arthur's most afraid of in the section.
Did I tell you how Arthur told me before that he hopes I'm enough of an individual to stand up to him because most of his friends become dependent on him (like the freshmen boys) and all that? And he said he hasn't found very many people that haven't given in in that way and I told him I'll show him...then he said he might be starting to regret it when he couldn't guilt me into telling him things about myself and I ended up asking him uncomfortable questions about his conscience when he was trying to pressure me into confiding in him. Hahaha! :D so now we generally avoid each other in the back of our minds but we're okay. And I can see why Burmeister hates him now. And Arthur would hate Burmeister he hates everyone under the sun that he can't control -.- well, not really, not the people he respects. That's a small number. Arthur's afraid of people stronger than him which frankly there aren't very many - there's you who he respects though!
Well the point....or whatever. Not the point at all, that was a bad choice of vocabulary. What I mean is, I shouldn't like Andrew. And that's a given. He's an immature jerk...that sums a lot up. I really shouldn't, you're so right. And I knew that. I knew you were right and that I should avoid him. I guess I was just afraid to...let go? It's been a year since we met and it's just weird. But I should, right? I just didn't want to. I was too afraid. I'm sorry for that. Well I don't know what happened to me but I decided I don't want to like him anymore. I don't want to have any feelings for him besides a not-too-close friendship and I'm actually gonna try for that now. I won't be able to hold up to it but hey the season's almost over. (By the way he definitely remembers Saturday; he made a reference to something he only called me that night [yes it was very appropriate] earlier today) but now I'm ready to forget it...I could do with that xD It's going to be impossible for me and I'm going to give in for the same reasons why I tolerate Chase on the level of friendship where we can tease and literally push each other around. I don't exactly know why. Oh! 'Cause they're abosolutely non-threatening and safe. Very un-threatening much unlike Arthur. They aren't strong people.
Is that a good spontaneous resolution? You're been trying to drill it into me thank you so much! I just finally realized that was your point!
I know how today's going to go! XD I'll write down what homework I have to do, probably cry a little, read the notes I have kept with me all day, make it bittersweet, possibly work on the book of my "older brothers", and either watch NCIS all night and if I get yelled at I'll start playing League of Legends and resort to playing violin if necessary. That usually helps. Please keep me on your prayer list :) I was going to text you but this was kinda long...
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