Lies

I dislike how when someone believes a lie you automatically have to lower your respect for them even if you don't want to. Say, I really do like my friend's dad, he used to terrify me but now I like him, and now he thinks I like his son when I don't, and he told his son that. I wish I could like him when his son and I are going to be working closely together for a while and at his house but I just....can't....I don't want to. I'm mad and I don't know why.

Isn't that horrid xD

terrified

You know when you're absolutely terrified of a situation and can't rationalize all of it away? It's horrible, being backed up into a corner....

The worse things are the things dependent on someone else's mind...

"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him but because he loves what is behind him."

-J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter Series)

:/

Sometimes you just have to let things go.....

When the other person used to be the one to start conversations and chased you, otherwise you never would ever talk to them first, and now you don't talk at all, who's fault is it?

Questions..

When you can't change your past but don't know what to do with your present then what?

You can't move on to your future without settling your present and past.

Books

Just spent a good half hour bawling my eyes out :) Just because of a book....and I've read it five times and can often recite the words in my head....I've never cried this much over a book....the last 200 pages is sobbing. Not the kind of crying I did at my last Marching Band Competition this season because my beloved seniors would never be there in uniform with me again....it was different.

I've been trying to figure out what kind of crying it was.

So crying isn't a bad thing and there's many different kinds. Like the kind when you're going to miss someone when they graduate, and the kind when you find someone's fallen out of love for you or it isn't reciprocated to the same degree (and this of course has many forms, including being judged/misjudged - your general respect for them isn't reciprocated), and the hopeless I-should-die kind when you look at someone and think "goddamn-they-do-everything-i-do-10000000x-better-and-i-am-really-useless"? This is the "holy this is so sad how"

The book is about the deportation in Lithuania, and only after reading it now do I recognize the true importance of every character and their beauty...they're minor characters but oh so important...literally...but just...it's so sad.

Between Shades of Grey
by
Ruta Sepetys

Hey

I haven't talked in a while. I'm overwhelmed with the amounts of extracurriculars I chose to take on at this grade. I'm not a Josh. Josh is the most amazing person alive, first chair clarinet for the Oakland Symphony, speaks seven languages, incredibly intelligent and nice...those people that you see and think, "Damn, I should just die. Look at me. What am I doing with my life?! He's a freaking god!"

Then remember, to someone else, you're that person. And for him, there's someone that's the person.

time

My life is seriously disproportionate. I usually spend 5-7 hours on extra curriculars, 30 minutes MAXIMUM on homework, five hours asleep, one hour with family, four-five maybe even six or so texting while doing stuff and an hour on electronics. How sad. and six at school.

Wow

Missed

I can't decide if a three week holiday is good or bad for you. I missed people yes, I also enjoyed forgetting many individual's existences.

We had to do a prompt in English on the best gift we gave or received. I believe the greatest present is presence, so I can't wait to write about getting to see my best friend for the first time in a while!

Bored!

Why is it that when I'm bored I don't do anything?! I have tons to do - practice. But I want to do something that has a final tangible product...create something that isn't a long term or work in progress.

How frustrating.

I think i should clear up this blog :) Really. It'd probably help.

Remember how i posted life is good? Here comes a post to make you think I was sarcastic xD